Zardoz

Bomb Rating: 

Within the commentary on the DVD, director John Boorman tries to explain that the film was "ahead of its time."

This is a difficult film to try to explain, but suffice it to say that Sean Connery spends much of it running around in the future in a large red diaper, gawking at naked women on horseback and a huge stone head that flies around pretending to be a god called Zardoz.

Within the commentary on the DVD, director John ("Exorcist 2") Boorman tries to explain that the film was "ahead of its time." This is the sort of comment somebody makes when they can't bring themselves to admit that their film "sucked so bad that it made me question the validity of my own existence as a sentient being."

At first, the film is something like "2001" in the sense that these Neanderthals (i.e. men in diapers) are running around in circles making us wonder where the hell they are. Then a big stone head flies overhead. All the Neanderthals gather around it as it speaks to them and spews rifles out of its mouth. I was rather convinced for the longest time that this was a representation of Connery's ego. In fact, when his character Zed hides out inside the head, one suspects that he might well undo his diaper and start humping the wall in the ultimate act of self love. As it turns out, Zardoz is just a puppet utilized by some upper class beings to spew manipulative nonsense at the unwashed masses, sort of like George W. Bush, only smarter.

Zardoz, as it turns out, is a word made up from the "Wizard of Oz" which is a revelation similar to the sled in "Citizen Kane," the kind that inspires you to run to the video store and scream at the clerk for wasting two hours of your life. The whole thing must have been shot during Boorman's uncontrollable erection phase because every five minutes the camera wanders over to a naked chick on a horse. I don't know if he thinks this is what made his film "ahead of its time," but I suspect naked chicks on horses have been a fixture of bad storytelling since the days of cave paintings.