Occasionally, I think it's important to address the issue of talking during movies. Here's my basic philosophy about talking during movies: Shut the fuck up or I'm going to put my fist through your skull. Okay, well that's the philosophy of my id. Still, it's appropriate. All you talkers, shut the fuck up. Keep your mouth shut. Nobody needs to hear your comments about the film, no matter how illuminating you may think they are. In fact, most of these comments are so asinine that it forces the people around you to wonder whether you have any higher brain function. Most of the time it's shit like "hey, that's a really big tree." (That was in "The Fountain" incidentally.) No fucking kidding, Einstein.

Fortunately for me, I can tune most things out and regularly do, but in the instance of this movie, I had the unfortunate experience of sitting behind a family consisting of a father wearing one of those wife-beater t-shirts, his 250lb. wife, and their doomed-from-birth daughter. It was pretty obvious they had left the trailer park for free movie night. Every two minutes, dad would lean over to his wife and comment on something as though he was at a Whitesnake concert. Eventually, a teenage girl in front of him turned around and shushed him. His reaction? He flipped her the bird and swore at her like they were in prison and she'd just tried to shiv him.

Seriously, if I had had a bat and a "Get out of Jail Free" card, I would have gone all Barry Bonds on his head. What kind of man threatens teenage girls like that? This guy's IQ was so low I doubt he could even consider the implications, such as: "Why am I behaving so violently to a shushing?" "What gives me the right to attend a movie and ruin it for everyone around me?" And perhaps most interestingly, "Why did I decide to be quiet after a little girl shushed me?" I think we know who wears the pants in that family. Dude, if you happen to be reading this, you are waste of oxygen. And people wonder why theater attendance is on the decline.

Not that I was missing much on screen. For starters, Katherine Heigl has a lot of sex with her bra on because she obviously didn't want to do the nudity. Do people have sex like that? Who the hell has sex like that? That is seriously boring. If I'm having sex, I want to see the boobs jiggling. It's exciting. Ooh, look, the boobs are jiggling and I'm the cause. This rocks! Guys dream about that kind of thing every second of every day from the time they're like 8. When the time finally arrives, they're not about to have sex with Katherine Heigl and let her wear the bra. I suppose that Ben Stone (Seth Rogen) is just so desperate to have any kind of sex that he just doesn't care.

In fact, somebody who looks like Katherine Heigl would never continue a relationship with somebody who looks like Seth Rogen even if he did get her pregnant after a night of drunken sex. Okay, maybe they would date if Rogen had the kind of money like that fugly who's marrying Salma Hayek. Fine, I get that. But Ben Stone (Rogen) is a pot-smoking, unemployed loser while Alison (Heigl) is on her way up as a host of E! Entertainment. Women like Alison don't keep going out with guys like Ben, baby or not.

Also, the relationship between Alison's sister (Leslie Mann) and her husband, Pete (Paul Rudd), is depressing beyond words. These people are married and have kids and seem to hate each other. We of course learn it's not that simple and that their hatred masks a deep mutual need, but is that any reason to continue a relationship? I just don't buy the idea that constant bickering masks deep happiness. That's a comedy cliché that's not really all that funny. On second thought, these people are clearly miserable and the movie is exploiting it for my amusement. Perhaps director Judd ("The 40 Year Old Virgin") Apatow deserves more credit than I'm giving him.