It was kind of hard to shake my bias as I took my theater seat. Ahh yes, another film adapted from a book I've enjoyed, plus, on top of that a remake of an older film, "The Last Man On Earth," which starred Vincent ("House On Haunted Hill") Price. So, I said to myself, “Let's see how Hollywood has perverted yet another would be blockbuster”.

Director Francis Lawrence begins with a totally ridiculous action sequence with Will (Get Jiggy Wit It) Smith hauling ass in a brand new Ford Shelby GT-1500 (with a perfect wax job, by the way) chasing deer through the now abandoned New York City, because, why hunt the old fashioned way, which would, more than likely, yield more positive results, when you can chase them down and around at 60+ mph. Of course, Mr. Smith's new style of hunting falls flat on its face when lions beat him to the kill. For some reason, I couldn't get the "game over" music from super mario bros. out of my head. After the hunt sequence, Lawrence throws us into a hole of ambiguity that lasts throughout the rest of the film and finally completes his pre-credit sequence. Lawrence might just be the new Ed Wood.

So, throwing the concept of complete desolation as a focus to help character growth out the window, Lawrence begins to display all his detail flaws in the most conspicuous manner possible. It seemed odd that, at the end of civilization, rampaging citizens took the time to park their cars properly, obviously fearing the dreaded double parking ticket in the afterlife. Also, even when you are the only person around make sure that every vehicle that you drive is perfectly cleaned and waxed. I know it's the end of the world and all but, Ford can still get some last minute sales, and it is always necessary to out-pimp your enemies if you ever encounter any.

So, FINALLY, after close to an hour of nap time and continuous Bob Marley beat downs, we get to see monsters! Yes, monsters...no, wait...it's just bad, I mean, really bad CGI thingymabobs. The zombies in the "Resident Evil" films were more convincing. The creatures looked like Golem on steroids and they constantly roared like lions. I mean, really? The first encounter had me laughing so hard I forgot that it was supposed to be sort of scary. It made me wonder if the film had an actual script.

This film should have been called "The Last Actor On Earth" because, along with humanity, so went the talent. Although I am pretty sure Mr. Smith was paid the most and he tried really hard to portray Robert Neville as best he could, I know the CGI guys did the majority of the acting. Shit, even the dog in the film out-acted Smith. But, to give Mr. Smith the benefit of a doubt, I must say that it doesn’t matter how hard you try or how skilled of an actor you are, there is no possible way to escape piss-poor writing and direction.

Now, this is what pissed me off the most. Not the derivative scenes that were obviously stolen from other films ("War Of The Worlds" just to name one). Not the half-ass acting that spawned from a novice screenplay and bad direction. No, it was the need for the editor to violently throw you from scene to scene without any notice or even a simple dissolve. Literally, you would be completely zoned out from one scene and then, boom, you're thrown into a flashback with absolutely no forewarning whatsoever. That gave me such a fucking headache.

So, after almost two hours of torture, we finally reach the ending. Apparently, the writers were so tired and exhausted, they felt the need to delve yet again into the bag of overused plot lines to give us an ending that I won't even begin to list the films that have the same exact fucking ending because, it would make this review way longer than it already is. The ending of the original film with Mr. Price was vastly superior to this piece of crap.

If you are pondering the idea of seeing "I Am Legend" I would recommend just watching "The Last Man On Earth." If you still insist on seeing the newer debacle, get yourself a 12-pack or a bottle of whisky because this film would work much easier as a drinking game where you drink every time you hear Bob Marley, see a Mac apple, or a Ford vehicle. I should've thought of that before I stepped into the theater, but hindsight's 20/20, right?

--cntlscrut