One would figure that with the success of "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle" (success mostly on DVD), the writing and directing team of Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg would be swimming in movie deals. Alas, not. Apparently, the Hollywood community has all but rejected the fart-filled, anal-focused, dick-joking genre, which means that Hurwitz and Schlossberg have had since 2004 to ready the world for "Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay".

Now, I guess it must be an unrealistic expectation, but I figure that if somebody has two or three years to work on a screenplay, it should be filled with, as Kumar might put it, "a lot of good shit". HAKEFGB isn't good shit. It's just shit. Let me provide one quick example of what I mean.

When Harold and Kumar are thrown into Guantanamo Bay, they're put in a cell next to a couple of terrorists who inform them they're going to get to try a "cockmeat sandwich".

What is a "cockmeat sandwich", you might ask? Well, that's when a large, male member of the U.S. Armed Services, forces his penis down your throat. Now, let's just put aside, for the moment, that Hurwitz and Schlossberg have chosen to insult our military people in this way, but after this many years, couldn't they have come up with a better euphemism for "blow job"? I mean, c'mon, "cockmeat sandwich"? A fucking fifth grader could have come up with that.

The whole movie has that level of sophistication. After escaping from Guantanamo Bay, Harold (John Cho) and Kumar (Kal Penn) find their way to the south where they meet Raymus (Jon Reep) and Raylene (Missi Pyle), husband and wife who turn out to be, you guessed it, brother and sister, because everybody in the south marries within their own family, of course. And don't get me wrong, I'm no fan of southerners. I think they're mostly bassackwards hicks. It's just that I'd come up with a better joke to insult them. It's not just that brother and sister marrying is juvenile. It's old and tired and boring. Again, the whole movie is this way.

And look, I'm fully aware this is a stoner film so the target demographic isn't exactly swimming in IQ points, but couldn't these guys get up off the couch long enough to come up with a couple of decent ideas? I guess not.

If this is what weed does to one's creativity, "Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay" might be the greatest anti-drug movie of all-time.