Regrettably, however, "Bride of Chucky" is an actual movie. Chucky is reanimated by his ex-girlfriend, Tiffany (Jennifer Tilly), who gets a cop to steal Chucky's busted parts from the evidence impound. Working from her trusty copy of "Voodoo for Dummies," Tiffany gets Chucky's soul working again only to be electrocuted by the little bastard, who then puts her soul in a female doll. After that, Chucky and Tiffany have to figure a way to get to Chucky's grave so that he can recover the soul-transferring amulet. They hitch a ride with Jesse (Nick Stabile) and Jade (Katherine Heigl), who are young lovers on the run.

There's actually doll sex in this film, and although I admit to not knowing exactly how it all worked, it did rival the wooden eroticism of Elizabeth Berkeley in "Showgirls," and easily surpassed Demi Moore in "Striptease" in terms of best erotic application of plastic.

Since Hollywood seems determined to not only make sequels, but sequels upon sequels upon sequels, I feel it's my duty to suggest some options for other movies destined to have a third sequel:

• "Terms of Endearment 4" - Aurora Greenaway (Shirley MacLaine) dies and is reincarnated as a house plant.
• "Terminator 4: Judgment Day 2" - Linda Hamilton kicks James Cameron's ass.
• "I'll Always Know What You Did Four Summers Ago" - The rental version enhances Jennifer Love's screen appearances with the helpful subtitle: "Attention teenage boys: Begin masturbating now."
• "Diehard 4: Die! Die! Die! Die!" - John McClane (Bruce Willis) goes back to L.A. where he accidentally wanders onto the set of "Dawson's Creek" and kills everybody in sight.